wtf?

so...My days as a trail runner are over for now.


Ligaments badly torn but not completely torn away.
Ankle is pretty bad and the most I will be running on trails is the Flat rail trail over the summer.....

I'm sad. like, crying sad. I know I should be counting my blessings but right now I'm just sad that I have to not run for at least 6 weeks now.....
I've had 3 opinions.
Sunday...underdiagnosed.
Monday...AGONY. Babied the ankle but still used it. Iced it etc. but it hurt like a son of a bitch.
Tuesday---Osteopath nailed the diagnosis and scared the shit out of me telling me if I ever want to run distance again I'm gonna have to get the hell off my foot. It didn't hurt so much when I woke up so I had been using it all day and doing a work program that involved me going up and down the stairs like....18 times. By the time I saw the OSTEOPATH she was horrified with the condition of it. I borrowed crutches from my ex-father-in law. Osteopath has me calling her once a week to update her and then see when I can put weight on it.
Wednesday--checked in with my gp. His diagnosis was the same but as my eyes teared up he said it's not the end of my running and if I take care of it, I'll run marathons again. He gave me a prescription for Naproxen, 500 mg 2x day. Now, if you know me, you'll know that I'm terribly sensitive to chemicals of any sort and with that level of meds...I'm incapacitated. I can't even talk coherently on that much naproxen, let alone work! I will get a foot walker thingy and was warned that this does not give me the option to go hiking etc....must still stay off foot.   My job requires me to be on my feet a lot so I will need to use it.
Through my tears I asked him 'why the f@#k this doesn't hurt me....that it's tender but I'm not in agony any more and I can walk on it just fine! He said he thinks my pain tolerance is high and I'm in some denial of how serious it is.
I have to go to physio. That's ok. I'll not be doing any ultra trails for some time.....
GOOD NEWS!! I can do marathons.

I'm grumpy right now. Grumpy that I can't run. That I'm uncomfortable and grumpy that I'm taking this so stupidly wimpy and hard. Why can't I focus on the bright things in my life. I have my health and my son has his health. Nothing major is happening to us right now and I'm still crying over the fact that I can't run for a while?? WTF is that about? Is it human nature 'cause it pisses me off that I'm so upset, which then makes me feel like more of a loser and I keep telling myself to stop this stupid pity party and focus on the lovely things in my life.


So....I'm going to get my foot brace this evening and then spend some time cuddling with my healthy, darling 8 year old and remind myself that I'll still be a marathon runner....maybe have to go back to being a road runner and a trail hiker like I used to be.  Maybe go back to doing triathlons again....That ain't such a bad life eh???? I'm fortunate that I'm good enough at swimming, biking and running to be able to do that sport as well......