wtf?

so...My days as a trail runner are over for now.


Ligaments badly torn but not completely torn away.
Ankle is pretty bad and the most I will be running on trails is the Flat rail trail over the summer.....

I'm sad. like, crying sad. I know I should be counting my blessings but right now I'm just sad that I have to not run for at least 6 weeks now.....
I've had 3 opinions.
Sunday...underdiagnosed.
Monday...AGONY. Babied the ankle but still used it. Iced it etc. but it hurt like a son of a bitch.
Tuesday---Osteopath nailed the diagnosis and scared the shit out of me telling me if I ever want to run distance again I'm gonna have to get the hell off my foot. It didn't hurt so much when I woke up so I had been using it all day and doing a work program that involved me going up and down the stairs like....18 times. By the time I saw the OSTEOPATH she was horrified with the condition of it. I borrowed crutches from my ex-father-in law. Osteopath has me calling her once a week to update her and then see when I can put weight on it.
Wednesday--checked in with my gp. His diagnosis was the same but as my eyes teared up he said it's not the end of my running and if I take care of it, I'll run marathons again. He gave me a prescription for Naproxen, 500 mg 2x day. Now, if you know me, you'll know that I'm terribly sensitive to chemicals of any sort and with that level of meds...I'm incapacitated. I can't even talk coherently on that much naproxen, let alone work! I will get a foot walker thingy and was warned that this does not give me the option to go hiking etc....must still stay off foot.   My job requires me to be on my feet a lot so I will need to use it.
Through my tears I asked him 'why the f@#k this doesn't hurt me....that it's tender but I'm not in agony any more and I can walk on it just fine! He said he thinks my pain tolerance is high and I'm in some denial of how serious it is.
I have to go to physio. That's ok. I'll not be doing any ultra trails for some time.....
GOOD NEWS!! I can do marathons.

I'm grumpy right now. Grumpy that I can't run. That I'm uncomfortable and grumpy that I'm taking this so stupidly wimpy and hard. Why can't I focus on the bright things in my life. I have my health and my son has his health. Nothing major is happening to us right now and I'm still crying over the fact that I can't run for a while?? WTF is that about? Is it human nature 'cause it pisses me off that I'm so upset, which then makes me feel like more of a loser and I keep telling myself to stop this stupid pity party and focus on the lovely things in my life.


So....I'm going to get my foot brace this evening and then spend some time cuddling with my healthy, darling 8 year old and remind myself that I'll still be a marathon runner....maybe have to go back to being a road runner and a trail hiker like I used to be.  Maybe go back to doing triathlons again....That ain't such a bad life eh???? I'm fortunate that I'm good enough at swimming, biking and running to be able to do that sport as well......

"Rice Krispie" Ankle

Snap: Thankfully NOT

Crackle: OMG!

POP: OUCH!!

My first running injury....spraining my ankle on the trails today.

I cry.....because I'm a geeky runner and  I'm wounded

A Lateral Ligament sprain.

The top ligament being the most damaged.

I still wanna cry. I really don't have much to cry about when people in Japan still haven't found the bodies of their loved ones, when people are being diagnosed with cancer or watching their children go through treatment, sick babies, depression, dealing with marital problems, trying to feed kids and pay bills, battling  eating disorders, losing their precious babies to death and many other serious issues.

And I'm upset about a sore ankle?? It'll heal and I'll run again.

Sometimes I feel selfish when I think of that. How can I be so upset that I have an injury that will heal??

I'm one of the ones that struggles to pay bills as a single parent but here I am: crying over the pain in my ankle?

Today, I'm selfish. I Have a 50 km race in 2 months and I may have to do the 25 km or a marathon instead.

POOR ME! (see....how it sounds so stupid when it's put that way) I'll just have to do a 50 km later on. There are tons of races all over the place and I haven't even registered for the 50 km so I can't feel bad about losing entry $ (Ultra's are super cheap anyway, unless you do the 100 milers.)

I won't complain out loud to my friends, my co workers or others to be sure I recognize that I have nothing really to complain about this is my running blog and I can call myself selfish as I see it. This also gives lots of ammunition to those people around me who have piss-poor attitudes about my running and think my distance trail running is not safe...Oh well! Majority rules and most people are on board with me reaching my goals and dreams of being an ultra trial runner.

I turned over on my ankle at some point on the route. I was running with 4 people. Two of the ladies chose to vacate the trails due to the snow and ice and go on the road. My other running buddy and I stayed on the trails. The irony of this is, I didn't even hurt myself on the ice and snow. I was running on plain old dirt, a not-so-steep downhill and I just placed my foot the wrong way. I have never done this before and the POPPING feeling SCARED THE CRAP out of me. Instant pain, not able to walk on it. I can't explain the popping. I'd be horrified to feel what it's like to break a bone!

After a few minutes to catch my breath and get some instructions from Tim to chill for a minute and to go home, I sent him on his way to finish the 20 km. He redirected me to the path back to the car....a 30 min hike up slippery hills and through the beautiful woods.

I don't understand why he wouldn't go run to get the car and pick me up??





Oh, ya...we're in the middle of the woods.

So after the initial painful moment, It didn't seem to hurt much at all. As a matter of fact, I felt a very cold sensation run through my ankle. I thought I might be able to keep running, maybe not the 20 km but something close to that, I was feeling great other than the ankle. I figured I'd go home just as a precaution and to try to figure out that the POP was.

Since it didn't hurt so much, I partly ran the hike back to the car. Not such a good idea afterall.

When I got home, I showered and then thought I'd put my ankle elevated for a bit. That's when I noticed how freakin' swollen it was. I hadn't even thought to look before the shower as it didn't hurt too much.

It was so swollen that I immediately iced it and then headed to the walk in clinic. I didn't know what the heck they could do but I'd at least I might get an idea of what I had done.

The doctor turns out to be good friends with my doctor which is irrelevant but I thought it might have meant he'd know something about athletic injuries or at least have the gonads to be able to say he doesn't know and send me to a specialist. (my doctor rocks!)

So...here it is....a lateral ligament sprain. 3 ligaments but the top one is the worse at this point.

Stay off my feet for 7-10 days AT LEAST and then run flat trails for a while to see if it'll be ok.

I WAS SO RELIEVED!!!!! I almost hugged him!

I still feel sorry for myself that I won't be able to go with my trail running buddies for a few weeks but that's just because I'm being selfish, remember????

Now, writing this blog has made me feel like I've confessed how I feel whiny, selfish and ungrateful for my overall good health, my healthy son and my good life.

 I'm not teary-eyed any more. I'll baby my crackling, popping ankle and do what needs to be done to fix it.

I'm gonna go plan my pilates, weight, swimming plan for the next couple of weeks rather than my runs!

"Running Shmunning"

George Sheehan wrote:
"I cannot put fitness in the bank. If inactive, I will detrain in even less time than it took me to get in shape. And since my entire persona is influenced by my running program, I must be constantly in training. Otherwise the sedentary life will inexorably reduce my mental and emotional well-being.

           So, I run each day to preserve the self I attained the day before. And coupled with this is the desire to secure the self yet to be. There can be no let up. If I do not run I will eventually lose all I have gained-and my future with it."


I used to have this written at the front of my runner's log book when I used to be a serious runner. It motivated me to be sure I didn't 'detrain'.
Well...it happened. I detrained. I had a baby, a divorce, a car accident  over the course of several years and was not a runner anymore, but yet I mourned the loss of it, as if I had lost a part of myself...

So,I Run again. I'm 20 lbs heavier, several minutes away from personal best runs but am I still a runner?

I think that quote says it all....running is more than moving my feet quickly. It is a life style for me, a hobby, a form of meditation, a time of reflection, a way to challenge myself to do better with my personal time and my personal goals. It's about SELF RESPECT. Running makes me proud of myself. No one can touch it, ruin it or make it better but me. It's about determination to get from point a to point b in something more than a walk. I do it and I feel better. I LOVE IT. I don't take it so seriously that I can't have fun with it!

That's all there is to it!

As I said, I used to have a log book to document runs.
Now I don't log my runs in a book....it would be like this:
              Date
              Distance
              Location
              Weather
              Pace
              How did you feel?
              Changes for next run?

Now, I run when ever the heck I get a chance and at the end, I'm just grateful to have gotten out that I don't feel I need to log it. I'm just desperate for a coffee or a beer and a hot shower.I'm not a competitive runner, therefore I'm a fun-runner.

George Sheehan: one of my favourite authors/ runners of all time. I'll write more about him later but let's just say this....I don't think he ever knew that those few lines of his book would get me out the door to keep my fitness bank building.